I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
