Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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