why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
