Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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