She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
