The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
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