so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
