I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just saw a hot homeless man
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
