also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
