I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
