??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
