Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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