I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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