haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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