woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i think my cat just said my name.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
