Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
