Already got asked if we're dating
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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