I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
