I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
