In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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