Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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