I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I will pee on everything he values.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
