Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
