Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
