I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
