Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
