i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
