So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Let's get the cat blown out
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
