That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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