Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
