I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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