I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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