Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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