im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
