And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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