whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
