K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
