One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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