I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
