my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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