dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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