i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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