we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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