Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
