Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
