Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
