You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
