She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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