I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Even my vagina gasped.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
