Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
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