Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
