Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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