Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
