I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
