When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
